


It's All My Fault

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cancer, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Thomas and Elizabeth are not dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James is in hospital; Thomas is by his side every step of the way.Prompt: healthy + jeffmads





	It's All My Fault

The air was cold, crusty, stale as if the windows were wide open, blowing in fresh air with a side of white, fluffy snow which refused to stop, no matter how far into the year it got. It was May.

The ceiling fan spun and spun and spun, creating a low buzzing noise that James had become accustomed to. He, after all, had lived in the small room for almost a year now.

“One day, I will be **healthy**.” He murmured against Thomas’ hair. “I promise.”

“I’m sure you will, my love,” Thomas replied, twisting his head to look up at James.

“I mean it!” James replied, before Thomas grabbed the bedside bin, quickly thrusting it in James’ face as he coughed up blood. He snatched a tissue from the Kleenex box, wiping the few drops that had managed to escape.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Thomas replied. “I love you now matter what; I love you no matter how ill you get.”

“I love you more,” James replied, smiling slightly.

“Impossible!” Thomas said, dramatically, throwing his arm back, which his the wall. He groaned, bringing it to his chest, though James chuckled slightly so it was worth it.

 

* * *

 

 

 “I love you,” Thomas whispered, his voice almost inaudible. “I need you to know that, even if you can’t hear me.”

James lied still in the hospital bed. He hadn’t moved in a long time.

After he had been transferred from the small, old hospital, his health had started to look up. He’d smile more and, on every Wednesday and Saturday, he’d be allowed to go outside, he’d be allowed to interact with the other patients who were wards away, he’d be allowed to spend some alone time with Thomas without someone lingering meters away.

At the newest place, James would be able to change clothes daily, instead of having to wait three days; James would be able to phone home a lot more often and call his sister, who lived in England and couldn’t visit as much as she’d like to.

Everything seemed to be looking better. Everything seemed to become healthier.

And then it all got worse. James’ health dropped for, seemingly, no reason, and there was nothing the doctors or nurses could do. They tried their best; they couldn’t save him.

The heart monitor was slowing, slowing, slowing, then _stop_. A long buzz emitted from the machine; Thomas shouted for help, begged, _pleaded_ , but there was nothing that could be done.

The hospital staff tried, of course, but James was long gone.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jefferson, but--” Thomas didn’t need to hear the rest.

 

* * *

 

 

Funerals were the worst.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” “I’m sorry that this happened to you.” “I wish I could help.” “My prayers are with you.”

All of the nonsense that came out of their mouths: useless. Words wouldn’t bring James back; nothing would. Thomas, when greeted with such words, nodded, cast a small, fake smile, and quickly excused himself.

 

* * *

 

“I love you,” Thomas whispered, his tone as quiet as a mouse. “I need you to know that. I _need_ you to know!”

And then he was sobbing, shouting, apologising, murmuring the nonsense that he had deemed stupid.

“I’m sorry they couldn’t have you; I’m sorry I didn’t help more; this is all my fault, my God, I’m sorry.”

 

* * *

 

“I told you everything would be okay, didn’t I?” Elizabeth, James’ sister, said. “I told you that we would get through this.”

It had been four years, full to the brim of suffering, tears, and mourning.

“Thank you, Liz. Thank you.”

“No, thank _you_ , Tom.” She replied. “I needed you just as much as you needed me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was written quickly and I didn't have time to proof read it so I'm sorry for mistakes.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hvmiltoon


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